Ah, Matt. Good luck with the melons. Tried to tell you that it’s not the right time to plant the melons, or the right way, but you wouldn’t listen. [W]ait till April, replant with dry cakey soil and on mounds that are mulched with plastic gunk. (SOURCE: Jan Norris)

Former Food Editor Doubts My Ability to Grow Watermelons

In late February, I planted watermelons seeds in my garden annex. Immediately, the hating started. Jan Norris, a self-proclaimed expert in Florida Food said there was no way in hell I’d get watermelons. She laughed in my general direction and mocked my seeds.

I didn’t have to water the first couple weeks, what with all the peeing she was doing on my garden parade.

Patience is a Farming Requirement

When I caught the first glimpse of my nugget-sized watermelon last week, I was not yet ready to declare victory. It was still too soon.

Today, however, with watermelons just about six inches tall, I’m here to say I have crushed Norris. She shall not repress my watermelon.

Even if the watermelon stops growing today (it has about 15 days left), it is still edible and, probably, tasty.

Here is the Watermelon Jan Norris Will Not Be Eating:

Who Hates Your Raised Vegetable Garden?

Are you, too, suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous vegetable fortune? Tell me who hates your garden and why.

I think Norris is just jealous.

—Farmer Matt

Sister-in-Law Dani writes in part:

That is seriously the most boring stuff you have ever sent me. I’d rather be watching water boil.

Sometimes the Joy is in the Journey

Sometimes is it how we get to a place that makes the place so special.

Yes, the end goal is vegetables. Everything up to that point is just process. But, I’m enjoying the process. I liked building the raised garden box. I liked picking out plants. I like talking about vegetable experiences with others. I like going outside in the quiet of the morning and seeing what minor changes there have been in the last 24 hours. I even like pulling weeds though I imagine that joy will wane.

The Customer is Always Right

Still, let it not be said that Watch My Food Grow ignores the needs of its readers. Without further delay, just for you Dani, I present boiling water:

Come All Ye Haters

My garden’s kung-fu is strong. It will not be repressed.

—Farmer Matt

Heretics, all of them. Doubters. These people or agencies, through active or passive means, hate my garden. They shall be smote and my vegetables will rise up and overgrow the land.

First Vegetable Hater: My Very Own Uncle Mark

I guess this attack is to be expected. Uncle Mark works for Big Food — a large, regional supermarket. Anyway, here is how he is seeking to destroy my garden:

I would be interested to see a cost analysis of this project from beginning to end. I know, you can’t really factor in fun, but you do have supermarkets down there that carry good produce don’t you?

Not exactly subtle!

His main points:

• Good food is a rich man’s hobby.
• Supermarkets have good produce.

It Isn’t Expensive to Grow Your Own Food

I had the plywood and other construction materials leftover from hurricane season and Art By Nature Garden Center donated the plants. (The reason? So I’ll mention Art By Nature Garden Center on a regular basis.)

So far, I’m out of pocket $16.48 for the weed control cloth and $20 for the trailer load of dirt. (And $75 for the Linksys webcam, which you’ll hear more about soon.) If I had to buy the plywood and plants, too, my tab would be about $200 to get to where I am now (not including the webcam).

I just checked Freecycle and found two people within 15 miles who are giving away lawn timbers that could be used to build the raised vegetable garden. So, that would cut my expenses back by $50. Now I just need to find a pound of nails and some plants.

Plants Can Be Had By Networking — Seeds are Cheap

While I started my garden with already growing plants, I could have used seeds which cost $2.00 a packet. A packet of seeds is enough to feed a family of eight for an entire season, more or less. I cheated but if I wanted to lower my up-front costs further, I could have gone the seeds route.

I’m also finding that gardeners love to share plants. Now that I have a garden, neighbors I have never seen before are chatting me up and offering to show me their plants and trade stuff. We’ll see. Right now, my garden is land-locked and I haven’t gotten around to building the annex yet.

Water, Electricity, Fertilizer, Etc.

Water is my main concern. I’m out there pretty much every day hosing down the garden. I haven’t gotten my first full garden water bill yet. I’ll let you know.

Supermarkets Have Good Produce?

Really?

Artificial flavors. Artificial colors. Genetically modified. No pretty ribbons. Maybe not even grown in the Good Old United States of these here Americas.

My bananas (from South America, which isn’t the same as Real, God-Lovin’ America), have a little sticker on them that says ‘may contain actual banana flavor’. What does that even mean?!?!

Nope. Not for me. Not anymore. Corporate produce is the way The Man keeps us down. Who knows what the government is injecting in our cucumbers?

It’s not too late, Mark. I’ll send you some seeds. Once the ground around your house thaws out, you’ll be ready to plant your own garden.

—Farmer Matt