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Florida Backyard Raised Vegetable Garden

Jan Norris Hates My Garden: No Watermelon for Norris

May 6th, 2009 by Matthew Steinhoff

Jan Norris: She Hates My Garden

Ah, Matt. Good luck with the melons. Tried to tell you that it’s not the right time to plant the melons, or the right way, but you wouldn’t listen. [W]ait till April, replant with dry cakey soil and on mounds that are mulched with plastic gunk. (SOURCE: Jan Norris)

Former Food Editor Doubts My Ability to Grow Watermelons

In late February, I planted watermelons seeds in my garden annex. Immediately, the hating started. Jan Norris, a self-proclaimed expert in Florida Food said there was no way in hell I’d get watermelons. She laughed in my general direction and mocked my seeds.

I didn’t have to water the first couple weeks, what with all the peeing she was doing on my garden parade.

Patience is a Farming Requirement

When I caught the first glimpse of my nugget-sized watermelon last week, I was not yet ready to declare victory. It was still too soon.

Today, however, with watermelons just about six inches tall, I’m here to say I have crushed Norris. She shall not repress my watermelon.

Even if the watermelon stops growing today (it has about 15 days left), it is still edible and, probably, tasty.

Here is the Watermelon Jan Norris Will Not Be Eating:

Sweeter: My Watermelon or Jan Norris Not Eating My Watermelon?

Who Hates Your Raised Vegetable Garden?

Are you, too, suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous vegetable fortune? Tell me who hates your garden and why.

I think Norris is just jealous.

—Farmer Matt

Tags: 12 Comments

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12 responses so far ↓

  • You had better rig your live Tomato Cam to be able to see in the dark.

    I can see Jan sneaking into the backyard under the cover of darkness to pour salt on your poor, unprotected garden.

    She does not concede defeat easily or with class.

  • Nice pair of melons (never thought I’d be saying that to a guy).

    How many vines did you plant? Are you only getting 2 melons? They’re starting to look like the ones in the grocery. But I know they’ll taste better, since they came from your hard work. Enjoy.

    • I threw five seeds in the ground. Three turned into vines and two vines produced watermelons. There are still a bunch of yellow flowers but none seem to be turning into melons.

      The seeds cost about $1.70 at Lowes. Let’s allocate $8 worth of water to the melons. If I get two good sized melons, I’m ahead of where I would have been if I bought them at the store.

      —Farmer Matt

  • Wow, she hates your garden huh? Well, I believe adversity will make your plants stronger in the long run. Enjoy your gloating!!

  • Jealous of your melons? Hmmm… Not heard that from a guy before… 😀

  • All these posts and none by Norris. Hmmmm.
    I suspect she is green with envy.

    Might I suggest you give her one, let her taste it and review it on her sight. She might choose this as a title: “How it is that home-grown watermelons taste a little bit like crow.”

  • I, Jan Norris, concede defeat! And yes, I’m jealous of your melons, kinda sorta.

    I’m actually so proud of your gardening prowess, Matt — even though it’s a throw-it-in-the-ground and hope mentality.

    Cheerleading over. Next year, do corn, peas, and more beans. And radishes for me, please. I have a terrific “bread and butter radish” pickle recipe I want to do and homegrown food inspires me. I might have to do my own raised bed of stuff: green lady peas, big eggplant, zucchini, beefstake tomatoes, and Dixie scuppernongs – I miss them dearly.

    Hmm: Wonder if you can grow peanuts this far south…boiled peanuts …whoo hoo baby!

  • Too funny! Your watermelons look beautiful. I live in Fort Lauderdale. I wonder if I could grow some watermelon or maybe canteloupe?! Something like that?
    Oh, and I have a cucumber question for you. I’m going to look for your e-mail…